I Need a List

So, I was reading Missy's "Far from Flawless" blog yesterday about dating again and she posed the question, "Do you have a list?"

It made my wheels turn. I've been thinking about creating a list recently. I just let go of a bad relationship (with an equally bad break up) and of course, hindsight is always 20/20. I've been pondering over some of the mistakes I made and I've made a commitment to myself not to repeat them. So, in response to the question, "Do you have a list?" the answer is no. But I am creating one.

It's important to me that I give a disclaimer. This is not a list demanding a man with a specific income or type of car. It is not a request for a particular body build or height. My "man list" is about characteristics or behaviors I need in order to feel comfortable and safe in my next relationship. We all have deal breakers, right? And I've realized recently that dating "blindly" without setting boundaries or expectations leads to hurt. I don't want to just date a man because we like each other... liking someone doesn't always equate to compatibility or mean that both parties are working towards a common outcome. Enter the list!

The "man list" isn't just about holding someone to ridiculous standards. I would never ask of someone anything I'm not willing to offer myself. It's about understanding one another and being on common ground. Most importantly, it is a promise to myself - a promise to honor myself and not settle. It is a promise to only commit to someone who wants to give just as much as I want to give back. It is a way for me to take the time to think about what I want in a relationship and a reminder of what I deserve!

After all, we don't go the grocery store without a list of what we want (or at least some idea). We wouldn't buy a new car without researching what type of car we want and what would suit us the best, right?

The truth is, we all need a list. So we can remember just how great and deserving we are. So we can guard our hearts against unnecessary heartache.

I'll keep you updated on my "man list" as it lengthens.