So,
This past weekend, one of childhood friends and college room mate nonchalantly mentioned that I should come to visit her in Atlanta. We're both in graduate school and are working hard to establish ourselves. I hadn't been to Atlanta in months... and classes are starting this week for me, so I decided that perhaps, this was a better time than any to take a road trip. Without much thought (which is out of character for me), I rented a car, skipped work and hopped on the road.
The drive alone was relaxing!
When I got there, we cooked, talked, shopped and partied. No work, no men, no school. We were rowdy and raucous. We were indulgent. We slept late and watched TV in our underwear. I loved it so much, I didn't want to leave Sunday.
But because I am a mature, responsible, self-sufficient young woman, I did. I knew real life would resume Monday morning for me. I had things to take care of for school before my class on Tuesday and would need to cook for a potluck at work Monday. I would need time to put away my travel bag and wash clothes. The real word intruded upon my get-away. I kinda' sorta' didn't mind, though. Because I had such a fabulous time, having to tuck away my rowdy weekend for a later memory didn't seem so bad. After all, I hadn't been forced to run errands all weekend or take my work home with me. I had a reprieve from life, so I could carry on as needed.
I am still young so a lot of this self-indulgent behavior (however infrequent it may be) seems natural to me. I work full time and attend school. I hardly ever miss work. I am unmarried without children. So I reward myself occasionally. It makes life sweeter. It helps me to appreciate the person that I am and curious about who I will become. If I can acknowledge my own accomplishments and give myself a deserved break when needed, that means I don't have to depend on anyone else to acknowledge me, right? Perhaps women would be happier if we took this approach to everything. I know it doesn't always happen like this. Life becomes unbalanced, things tend to take precedence over our own desires. But I love to see women friends out shopping, eating or talking at coffee shops, looking happy and stress free and light. I love to see them laughing, loudly and without apology. I love to see them indulging themselves because they know they deserve it. I love to see women taking care of themselves and relinquishing to a much needed break and just having a good time, enjoying life. Because honestly, as much as we see the opposite, it is refreshing to know that we are so resilient.
Now back to business. I will work (probably with overtime) this week and start classes on Tuesday. I will get back to arranging bank accounts and saving money. But with this last weekend of laughter and awesomeness and friendship tucked into my memory, I can soldier into the next week a little lighter. Because the truth is, we all need a little break sometimes.
Monday, January 16, 2012
Thursday, January 12, 2012
I Need a List
So, I was reading Missy's "Far from Flawless" blog yesterday about dating again and she posed the question, "Do you have a list?"
It made my wheels turn. I've been thinking about creating a list recently. I just let go of a bad relationship (with an equally bad break up) and of course, hindsight is always 20/20. I've been pondering over some of the mistakes I made and I've made a commitment to myself not to repeat them. So, in response to the question, "Do you have a list?" the answer is no. But I am creating one.
It's important to me that I give a disclaimer. This is not a list demanding a man with a specific income or type of car. It is not a request for a particular body build or height. My "man list" is about characteristics or behaviors I need in order to feel comfortable and safe in my next relationship. We all have deal breakers, right? And I've realized recently that dating "blindly" without setting boundaries or expectations leads to hurt. I don't want to just date a man because we like each other... liking someone doesn't always equate to compatibility or mean that both parties are working towards a common outcome. Enter the list!
The "man list" isn't just about holding someone to ridiculous standards. I would never ask of someone anything I'm not willing to offer myself. It's about understanding one another and being on common ground. Most importantly, it is a promise to myself - a promise to honor myself and not settle. It is a promise to only commit to someone who wants to give just as much as I want to give back. It is a way for me to take the time to think about what I want in a relationship and a reminder of what I deserve!
After all, we don't go the grocery store without a list of what we want (or at least some idea). We wouldn't buy a new car without researching what type of car we want and what would suit us the best, right?
The truth is, we all need a list. So we can remember just how great and deserving we are. So we can guard our hearts against unnecessary heartache.
I'll keep you updated on my "man list" as it lengthens.
It made my wheels turn. I've been thinking about creating a list recently. I just let go of a bad relationship (with an equally bad break up) and of course, hindsight is always 20/20. I've been pondering over some of the mistakes I made and I've made a commitment to myself not to repeat them. So, in response to the question, "Do you have a list?" the answer is no. But I am creating one.
It's important to me that I give a disclaimer. This is not a list demanding a man with a specific income or type of car. It is not a request for a particular body build or height. My "man list" is about characteristics or behaviors I need in order to feel comfortable and safe in my next relationship. We all have deal breakers, right? And I've realized recently that dating "blindly" without setting boundaries or expectations leads to hurt. I don't want to just date a man because we like each other... liking someone doesn't always equate to compatibility or mean that both parties are working towards a common outcome. Enter the list!
The "man list" isn't just about holding someone to ridiculous standards. I would never ask of someone anything I'm not willing to offer myself. It's about understanding one another and being on common ground. Most importantly, it is a promise to myself - a promise to honor myself and not settle. It is a promise to only commit to someone who wants to give just as much as I want to give back. It is a way for me to take the time to think about what I want in a relationship and a reminder of what I deserve!
After all, we don't go the grocery store without a list of what we want (or at least some idea). We wouldn't buy a new car without researching what type of car we want and what would suit us the best, right?
The truth is, we all need a list. So we can remember just how great and deserving we are. So we can guard our hearts against unnecessary heartache.
I'll keep you updated on my "man list" as it lengthens.
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
We all get lost somtimes
The truth is, I don't know what I'm doing.
At this point in my life, I'm following the rules. I have a direction and a purpose. I just don't have all of the answers.
I think if we all became just a little more honest with ourselves and admitted that we just don't know what the hell we're doing every now and then, the world would be an easier place to live in.
I work in customer service (fun, right). The number of irate customers I speak with on a day to day basis is largely because someone they've spoken with prior to me pulled something out of their ass just to sound good and tried to appease the customer... until the customer found out it was inaccurate and had to call back about the same issue again. Conversely, some of the most positive responses I've ever received have been in response to pure honesty. It doesn't negate the fact that I still have to find the answer, but people who know you aren't blowing smoke up their asses are apt to be more patient and understanding.
Unfortunately, I've learned this seems to be the way of the world; tell people what they want to hear, and pretend we have all of the answers to save face. But think of how much more we could get resolved if we were honest, and said "I don't know". Think of the help we would receive if we admitted the truth. Maybe we don't have all the answers, maybe we don't have to be supermen and superwomen all the time and maybe it's okay to admit the obvious... that we don't know what the hell is going on, or where we are or what the hell we're doing.
It's like being a kid, I imagine, lost in the shopping center. Your mother used to say, "If you ever get lost, stand still and someone will find you." Things are not quite that easy nowadays, but the principle still stands. In my mid-twenties, I'm still only finding myself. I am not prone to making stupid mistakes any longer but as long as I am human, I will never be mistake-free. And more and more, I am learning that being lost is not an earth-shattering, end of the world thing. It is simply part of the process. Maybe if we stop being so fearful of admitting the obvious, we would be more accepting of the process. Then maybe we could prevent some of the unnecessary mistakes we make because we were afraid to ask for help.
Being lost is just part of learning our own path and creating our own story. The most important thing perhaps to remember is that being lost is just temporary. You cannot be lost forever.
At this point in my life, I'm following the rules. I have a direction and a purpose. I just don't have all of the answers.
I think if we all became just a little more honest with ourselves and admitted that we just don't know what the hell we're doing every now and then, the world would be an easier place to live in.
I work in customer service (fun, right). The number of irate customers I speak with on a day to day basis is largely because someone they've spoken with prior to me pulled something out of their ass just to sound good and tried to appease the customer... until the customer found out it was inaccurate and had to call back about the same issue again. Conversely, some of the most positive responses I've ever received have been in response to pure honesty. It doesn't negate the fact that I still have to find the answer, but people who know you aren't blowing smoke up their asses are apt to be more patient and understanding.
Unfortunately, I've learned this seems to be the way of the world; tell people what they want to hear, and pretend we have all of the answers to save face. But think of how much more we could get resolved if we were honest, and said "I don't know". Think of the help we would receive if we admitted the truth. Maybe we don't have all the answers, maybe we don't have to be supermen and superwomen all the time and maybe it's okay to admit the obvious... that we don't know what the hell is going on, or where we are or what the hell we're doing.
It's like being a kid, I imagine, lost in the shopping center. Your mother used to say, "If you ever get lost, stand still and someone will find you." Things are not quite that easy nowadays, but the principle still stands. In my mid-twenties, I'm still only finding myself. I am not prone to making stupid mistakes any longer but as long as I am human, I will never be mistake-free. And more and more, I am learning that being lost is not an earth-shattering, end of the world thing. It is simply part of the process. Maybe if we stop being so fearful of admitting the obvious, we would be more accepting of the process. Then maybe we could prevent some of the unnecessary mistakes we make because we were afraid to ask for help.
Being lost is just part of learning our own path and creating our own story. The most important thing perhaps to remember is that being lost is just temporary. You cannot be lost forever.
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